Posted by stupidfuture on February 26, 2010
Garlic Gluttony Proves Adequate Defense Against Undead
Gluttony as spectacle. It’s often painful to watch the Travel Channel’s Adam Richman eat some new combination of hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza, cheese, bacon, chili, hot peppers, mozz sticks or whatever, by the pound. After all, there are only so many possible combinations of the unhealthiest foods that can possibly be put together. He travels around the country looking for some minor variation of the above that he hasn’t yet encountered. It’s slightly more interesting when he eats the spiciest hot wings, and turns scarlet. But mostly, it’s just ordinary junk food, combined in some way that’s slightly different from the last time, and guzzled to the beat of a timer.
In order to make things slightly more interesting, we suggest that a new variation be included: the undead. Specifically, vampires. Man fights food, food fights vampires. Taking a cue from modern literary reworkings such as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, if Richman cannot consume six pounds of garlic cloves in the allotted half an hour, the Nosferatu get to eat him instead. Perhaps it might help to clear all that meat residue out of his system. Garlic is good for you. But bad for vampires. Remember, as The Phantom Menace taught us, there’s always something with more teeth than you. Maybe it’s time someone was looking over Richman’s shoulder, waiting for the timer, hoping to earn the I Finished All Of Adam Richman tee shirt.
Posted in Man v. Food, Television Parodies | Tagged: Adam Richman, chili dog, gluttony, junk food, Man v. Food, Nosferatu, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, The Phantom Menace, vampires | 1 Comment »
Posted by stupidfuture on February 18, 2010
Jewelery Discovery Results in Middle-Earth Dweller Being Crushed By Fluffy Mallet
One banana, two banana, three banana, four…and one banana to bring them all–and in the darkness, bind them. Was it me, or would Fleegle the Beagle from the Sid and Marty Krofft Show The Banana Splits have fit right in with Deagol, Smeagol (who later becomes known as Gollum, and apparently slips up and creeps away with Robert Plant’s girlfriend on Led Zeppelin II) and the other “river folk”?
Fleegle, the erstwhile leader of the ‘Splits, in their quest to one-up the nefarious Sour Grapes Bunch, at times weilded not a rock or sword, but a pastel fluffy mallet. Poor Deagol. What a way to go, pastel-fluffy-malleted to death. Over a ring. Sheesh. In his defense, Fleegle was much more prone to weild a guitar, so maybe he didn’t do it after all. As for Snorky, Bingo, and Drooper…who can say?
Anyway, the Fleegle character–less nightmarish than Sigmund the Sea Monster, or anyone from H.R. Puff ‘N Stuff–was voiced by the ever-exuberant Paul Winchell, voice of Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, Gargamel, and many, many other characters–many of whom were prone to say “Woo-hoo-hoo”. If Fleegle did do it, that would have been the last thing poor Deagol heard in Middle Earth. Then, in 500 years, Fleegle would lose the One Ring to Bilbo Baggins, but he would creep up and slip away with Robert Plant’s girlfriend. However much fake fur he lost in the meantime, he was still probably an easier sell than scrawny, tattered Smeagol. And when he fed poor Sam and Frodo to Shelob, even Sauron would smile at the resounding “Woo-hoo-hoo”.
Posted in Lord Of The Rings, Movie Parodies | Tagged: Bilbo Baggins, Bingo, Deagol, Drooper, Fleegle, Frodo, Gollum, Led Zeppelin II, Lord of the Rings, Paul Winchell, Ramble On, Robert Plant, Samwise Gamgee, Sauron, Shelob, Sid and Marty Krofft, Smeagol, Snork, Snorky, Sour Grapes Bunch, The Banana Splits, The One Ring, Tigger, Winnie the Pooh, Woo-hoo-hoo | 2 Comments »