Professor Chaos–Butters on South Park–once came to the conclusion that the Simpsons had already done everything. He felt trapped in a world mapped out by Bart, Lisa, Homer, Maggie, Marge and all the crew (not to mention Jessica and Ashley….). Well South Park itself has used up a great deal of potential plot ideas itself. Everyone’s had a shot at poor Kenny, right? Not so, not so. There’s a long list of sci-fi baddies with energy weapons, spaceships, photon torpedoes, distintegration rays, and so on just itching for a chance. Yet of all these, perhaps the most officious and callous would be the Vogons.
The Vogons–who destroy the Earth in the beginning of every incarnation of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy–are, of course, the third worst poets in the Universe. Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect are forced to endure Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz’s loftier literary ambitions. They survive through adept use of disingenuous literary criticism, but Captain Jeltz orders them thrown into space anyway. Point is, the Vogons have not yet had a crack at Kenny McCormick. And hey, it’s only the third worst poetry in the Universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria, and the very worst poetry in existence is KISS lyrics read out loud. ”You show us everything you got. You keep on dancin’, and the room gets hot. You drive us wild. We’ll…drive you crazy.” Poor Kenny would never last a minute under that kind of stress….