Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies

Those who fear the future are largely afraid to laugh at it….

LOLAliens

Posted by stupidfuture on June 1, 2009

Whimsical Xenomorph Parasite Stage Diction Becomes Internet Phenomenon

Xenomorph Parasite's Whimsical Diction Becomes Internet Phenomenon

It’s a crab, it’s a hand, it’s a crab-hand-tail face sucky thing.   From the twisted minds of H.R. Giger and Ridley Scott, let’s present the oddest of odd life-cycles: that of the Alien species from movie of the same name.  Okay, first there’s an egg.   So far, so good.  Then the crab-hand face sucky things come out.  Okay, creepy, disturbing, awful…but not outside the realm of possibility.  But wait, the face-sucky hand-crab long-tail thing (FSHCLT) then attaches to a victim and then somehow seeds the victim with a different kind of egg…and then the adult stage grows inside the victim until it bursts out.   I don’t think they actually talk much about it, but some form of egg or zygote is definitely implanted in the victim by the FSHCLT which then dies.  Let’s imagine that it’s an egg, for argument’s sake.

So let’s get this straight: there’s an egg, a larva, and the larva dies and lays smaller eggs which produce adult young.  Any species you know that makes two different kinds of eggs, and alternates generations between physiology and types of eggs?  Kinda makes you wonder what a Xenomorph omlet would taste like.  With all that slime they always show, maybe it tastes like a cheeseburger.  But I bet the FSHCLT itself would taste more like Shrimp Cocktail.  Mmmm…bugs from the sea, bugs from the sea….

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One Response to “LOLAliens”

  1. Yecch… those things were so creepy, man… The FSHCLT (officially called a Facehugger) exists only to find a host and attach itself. Maybe because the Aliens adapt to a variety of different prey – not just humans – the Facehuggers then create an appropriate incubator out of the host for the embryo. The implanted embryo can take on adaptations from the host’s DNA, so this is one way the Aliens evolve. Plus H.R. Giger is a totally, insanely twisted mindfreak. He also designed some chairs once. I would not want to be left alone in a room with one of those chairs. Let alone sit on one. I think it would kill me. Probably in an extremely twisted way, too. Sorry, I’ll stick to my simple IKEA chair. No bio-morphic tubes or spikes or tentacles, thank you.

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