Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies

Those who fear the future are largely afraid to laugh at it….

Archive for the ‘Star Wars’ Category

Yo, Greedo, I’mma let you finish…

Posted by gregchiaramonti on September 24, 2009

Kanye vs. Greedo: Yo, Greedo, I'mma let you finish...

I’m sooooooo sorry to Greedo and his fans and Jabba……………….. I spoke to Jabba right after and he said the same thing my mother would’ve said. Greedo is very talented! I like when he speaks with all those subtitles, it’s like some cool foreign movie! I’m in the wrong for going to the Cantina and taking away from his moment – though he would’ve missed anyway! Boooyaaawwww!!!! The Star Wars where Han shoots first is the best version of Star Wars in the past three decades!!!! That’s what it is!!!!!! I’m not crazy y’all, the Force is strong with me and i’m just real. Sorry for that!!!! – Kanye

Check out more of this meme here:

-Nigel Matrix

Posted in Current/Future Events, Internet Memes, Kanye West, Movie Parodies, Star Wars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Star Wars Facebook: Red Squadron

Posted by stupidfuture on June 9, 2009



If the illustrious Red Squadron from Star Wars (and that’s “Episode IV: A New Hope”,  for you younginz….)  used Facebook, what quizzes would they take, what information would they share?  Well, if there were any food quizzes, good ol’ Porkins would be all over it.  We might learn why his parents were weird enough to name him “Jek”, which apparently means “guy who eats too much and has pointless facial hair”.  We might learn about why Wedge mysteriously survives all three original trilogy movies for no apparent reason, or why Biggs doesn’t…Hmmm….

  • Biggs: facial hair, doesn’t survive. 
  • Porkins: facial hair, doesn’t survive. 
  • Luke: no facial hair, survives. 
  • Wedge: no facial hair, survives. 

I get it now.  Maybe the key to surviving an assault on a Death Star to keep shaving regularly.  Is it the clean-shaven boylike innocence of youth that allows one to destroy armored battlestations with reckless impunity, or maybe just the fact that the facial hair gets itchy and distracts you so the TIE fighters can get you? Ennh. You worry about the towers. I’ll take care of those fighters.

Posted in Movie Parodies, Star Wars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Star Wars Facebook: The Empire “Likes” Back

Posted by stupidfuture on June 8, 2009

Social Networking Application Fosters Internet Communities Within Galatic Empire

The puzzling thing about Facebook is the “like” feature.   It’s pretty strange, really, you can just “like” posts by your friends. Maybe it’s just a quick way to acknowledge a post, but it seems pretty inaccurate most of the time to say you “like” a post completely and unconditionally.  John’s mother is coming to visit…Sally likes this.  Huh?  What the heck?  Does that really mean anything?  It’s just so final sounding.  It indicates the kind of enthusiam that mundane events like a visit from your in-laws just usually don’t generate.  Imagine the equivalent phone conversation.  “Dude, you mother-in-law is coming for dinner?  I like that, man.  I like it.  No, seriously.  I like it.  What?  Yeah,  L-I-K-E.”

You’d be sounding pretty weird in no time.   On Facebook, you can say more if you want, but there’s always the one-click “like” option to indicate global blanket approval so you don’t have to bother.  I’d imagine, though, that if you were in the Evil Galatic Empire, you’d find yourself “liking” a lot of the things your higher-ups would tell you…particularly higher ups like Grand Moff Tarkin, Admiral Ozzel, Captain Piett, and of course, Darth V.  Especially when they demonstrate the power of the Death Star by obliterating the planet Alderaan.  Or, try this: “Like, ZOMG, Darth, I like, so totally liked that way you, like, tried to hunt down those like, Rebel Scum in our trench. ROTFLBBQ, FTW.”  Use Facebook, and like, unleash your inner Silicon Valley Girl.  Gag me with a TurboLaser.

Posted in Movie Parodies, Star Wars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Rock Band: Mos Eisley

Posted by stupidfuture on June 7, 2009


It’s a well-known fact in Star Wars fandom that the Mos Eisley Cantina Band only knows one song.   When they kick back and relax after work, safely at home after a long day of weirdos such as Greedo, Walrus Man, and Han Solo shooting and chopping up the customers at their only steady gig, what better way than with Rock Band?   Of course, the standard Fender Strat controller isn’t compatable.  You have to get the special Bassoon–O-Phone controllers to play it.  They’d better score some overdrive soon, or else that blue elephant-man Max Rebo and his weirdo stalk-lipped blob singer Sy Snoodles will start stealing all the gigs.

But who are the Cantina band, and why did Wal-Mart release action figures of them?   Only Wikipedia and the “extended universe” book sequels know for sure.  According to the package for the action figures, the lead guy’s name is “Figrin D’an”.  Hey, whatcha figurin’, Dan?  He must always get stuck spliiting up the check for everyone.  It’s a dumb name, alright.  Even if we leave questions unanswered (like what kind of ring would you make from a fig, exactly?), it really sounds like figurine, which might exactly be why they decided to release D’an and friends as action figures.  Maybe it’s a tribute to George Lucas’ own genius in keeping the merchandising rights to the franchise.  The rest of the band is called “The Modal Nodes”, which is actually a weird music theory joke based on medieval composition techniques.  So, we can safely leave that aside.  And…moving right along….

Don’t look for Rock Band: Mos Eisley anytime soon.   You’ll just have to make due with Rock Band: The Beatles, Rock Band: Unplugged, Guitar Hero: Metallica,  and new track packs being released for Rock Band–Unplugged, Metal, and Classic Rock.  More Boston and Rush, yay.  No Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes.  Get over it already.

Posted in Movie Parodies, Rock Band, Star Wars, Video Game Parodies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Pineapple: Vader’s Other Sad Devotion

Posted by stupidfuture on April 7, 2009

Sith Lord Harshes Detractors of Adequate Nutrition For Cybernetic Organisms

Sith Lord Harshes Detractors of Adequate Nutrition For Cybernetic Organisms

What the heck does Darth Vader eat anyway?  It’s tempting (but mean) to imagine he subsists on a diet of lager and barbequed ewok (with extra ewok sauce).  Anakin never seemed to show much preference, and if you invited him to your wedding, you’d still be stumped until you got the card back.  (“What’s it gonna be, chicken…or steak?  Chicken, or steak?  Come on boy, I can wait all night….”  Maybe, like Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror, he prefers Meatloaf….) 

Anyways, I always think of that poor Imperial Officer who harshes Vader’s force powers as a “sad devotion” to an “ancient religion”.  Sheesh, everyone’s a critic.  It sort of begs the question, though.  Does Vader have any other sad devotions?  Like Beanie Baby collecting, or maybe backgammon?  (Hey if you’re into those things, cool.  You’re not an evil Sith Lord.  If you were, it would be sad.  You’d have more important things to do, like trying to turn your offspring to the dark side.)

Posted in Movie Parodies, Star Wars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Apple Store, Bespin Mall

Posted by gregchiaramonti on January 6, 2009

The Apple Store, Bespin Mall

Enraged Cybernaut Bemoans Latest Technology

Ah, Lobot. Short for lobotomy? They say (in the Expanded Universe) that Lobot was some kind of criminal at one time, and he eventually wound up as an “indentured servant” to the administration of Cloud City. Forced to have cyber implants installed on his head and take orders directly into his brain, Lobot supposedly was a mute by that point. Oh well, I don’t really follow the EU much… seems like Lucas doesn’t really, either. If I recall correctly, in Episode III, there are some pilots wearing implants similar to Lobot’s on the Tantive IV – the familiar Blockade Runner, an Alderaanian vessel of Senator Organa. So would such a peaceful, highly democratic, poster-child-of-the-Rebellion planet such as Alderaan allow indentured servitude to exist? Hmm…

Oh well, mute or not, in the case of this comic, Lobot has reason to scream over the never-ending march of technology. Maybe he can get a refund if he writes to Steve Jabba of Apple Intergalactic, Inc.

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Movie Parodies, Star Wars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »