Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies

Those who fear the future are largely afraid to laugh at it….

Posts Tagged ‘movies’

What caused the apocalypse in “The Road”

Posted by gregchiaramonti on November 30, 2009

A Nanobot “grey goo” attack? No… Nuclear war? No… Ecological disaster? No… It was the dreaded Zhu Zhu Pets. Once they were shown how to drive cars, these small robotic creatures managed to escape their human masters and wage a destructive path across the world. Only Viggo and his son survived, and they spend most of The Road trying to scavenge up the various plastic Zhu Zhu ramps and playsets in an attempt to end the Zhu Zhu rampage. Well, at least that’s what I think it’s probably about…

These Zhu Zhu Pets look pretty lame. Seems like robot toy tech is actually devolving from the days of Elmo, Aibo, and Pleo. Or I guess ten dollar robot hamsters are all we can afford now.

Posted in Internet Memes, Movie Parodies, The Road, Zhu Zhu Pets | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

SOYLENT PINK IS STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED PEOPLE!!!!!!! (WITH FROSTING!!!!!!)

Posted by gregchiaramonti on August 20, 2009

SOYLENT PINK IS STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED PEOPLE!!!!!! (WITH FROSTING!!!!!!)

After hearing about “Death Panels” all week, with all the hub-bub related to the healthcare reform bill and crazy town hall meetings with people screaming about the government wanting to “pull the plug on grandma”, it got me thinking about that old Charlton Heston epic from the 70s about the ultimate form of healthcare. It’s more like “death care”…

(Spoilerz) Basically, in Soylent Green, from what I remember, there’s a future dystopia where people have to ride stationary bikes in their apartments just to charge up the ceiling light bulb. There’s huge overpopulation, and like one tree left that’s preserved in a glass dome. Some rich dudes hoard actual food like steak, but everyone else is forced to wait for some trucks to show up in the street shooting out rectangular chunks of synthetic food. Eventually, Heston’s aged roommate or dad or whomever is feeling sick and decides to go “Home” which is this big hospital where they make you watch a 360-degree film about nature like at EPCOT center, except instead of being funneled out to the overpriced gift shop at the end, you are euthanized and your body is thrown on a conveyor belt in a factory that processes it into Soylent Green, the food that the trucks spew out to the ignorant masses. Heston tries to reveal this at the end, but I believe he is tragically taken down by the police just as he shouts “Soylent Green is people!!!” Poor Heston – all the troubles of our future worlds rested on his shoulders… too much for one future man to take on.

Funny thing is – I saw this film in my HIGH SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS! I think it was some kind of health class tradition in my school – they had the actual film reel you put in the old-timey projector and played on the pull-down movie screen. I guess it had something to do with learning about social issues like overpopulation and the environment. Okay, so first they made us watch the whole graphic child-birth movie, and then we have to watch this movie about future cannibalism related to overpopulation. Nice. Were they trying to discourage us from procreating??? No wonder people are scared to death of government healthcare – maybe they had the same crazy sci-fi dystopia health class curriculum I was exposed to!

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Current/Future Events, Movie Parodies, Soylent Green | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Governator: Ignition, or How Ah-nuld Destroys the World

Posted by gregchiaramonti on June 6, 2009

Governator: Ignition, or How Ah-nuld Destroys the World

It seemed almost like one of those time-paradoxes was created, when (spoilerz) California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared as a T-800 Terminator in the latest, and fourth, film in the franchise, Terminator: Salvation. Like, he couldn’t be in the movie since he’s currently governor of one of the most economically-ravaged states in the Union, and would probably cause some sort of ethical conflict or something. So they used data from facial scans of Arnold to create a prosthetic mask worn by a similarly-built bodybuilder, plus some CGI, to create the effect of an Arnold-based Terminator. It was a very realistic effect – not “****ing amateur” as Christian Bale might say.

In real life, Arnold was on hand at the unveiling of a new super laser, developed by the National Ignition Facility (um… yeah, for real), that will be used to ignite a fusion reaction, creating energy the way the Sun does. Plus, I’m sure it will have other military uses, like, um, blowing up Alderaan or something. So, let’s see: the NIF is creating a miniature Sun right here in the US, and CERN may create miniature black holes over in Europe with it’s Large Hadron Collider. Hmm… sounds like Judgement Day is closer than we thought…

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Current/Future Events, Movie Parodies, Terminator | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Earth Day PSA with Kevin Costner

Posted by gregchiaramonti on April 22, 2009

Earth Day PSA with Kevin Costner

I’ll have a glass of whatever he’s drinking… On second thought, if I’m on a boat with Kevin Costner’s future fish-man, I’ll pass on that drink. Though I guess they’re drinking that on the Space Station now. And we probably all will be in a few years if the environment continues to degrade and drinking water becomes scarce.

The Costner sci-fi epic Waterworld is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, though. I usually get sucked (appropriate word) into watching it whenever it’s on TV, and have to pull myself away since watching the whole movie feels like losing an entire day. The only part of The Postman I thought was cool (spoilerz) was with Tom Petty appearing as himself, somewhat.

So, please, do your part to recycle and conserve energy, plant trees, etc., so that humankind can continue to live on this planet, without the need for any new Costner epics. Though that jet-ski stunt show at Universal Studios kinda rocked.

Happy Earth Day! (Can you really be happy about a day with such a downer message?)

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Current/Future Events, Movie Parodies, Waterworld | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

More Than Meets the Eye-conomy: Autobots to Receive Gov’t Bailout

Posted by gregchiaramonti on April 15, 2009

More Than Meets the Eye-conomy: Autobots to Receive Gov't Bailout

It’s the economy, stupid, uh, future. So I’m guessing Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen will be another totally awesome, robot-battling, high-speed-chasing, more-explosions-than-ever-in-the-history-of-cinema car commercial for General Motors. Um, which will be pretty ironic at this point. With GM possibly bankrupt by the time the movie comes out, Revenge of the Fallen will take on a new meaning. Maybe the Autobots can help revive the fallen auto industry. They just need to start finding more Green forms of vehicles to transform into, to help with Global Warming and creating new Green jobs. How about transforming into mass transit, like buses, trains or trolleys? Or bicycles? Maybe a solar-powered land glider? I think the Chevy Volt electric car is supposed to make an appearance in the movie, though I heard that car may cost like 40K, so not sure how that’s really going to help revive the auto industry. Hey, you know what would be really cool – a transforming Segway! Okay, maybe not cool, but, well, interesting. Or not.

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Current/Future Events, Movie Parodies, Transformers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

A gift from the outgoing President

Posted by gregchiaramonti on February 5, 2009

A gift from the outgoing President.

They Live! A special pair of sunglasses discovered by pro wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper (essentially playing himself as a homeless man in the 1988 movie They Live by John Carpenter) allows him to see the terrifying truth behind who’s really running our government. Skull-faced aliens (hey, maybe they’re related to those Martians from Mars Attacks!) hide amongst us, disguised by a signal transmitted through our TVs. Subliminal messages permeate our media, ordering us to Obey, Consume, Marry and Reproduce – and declaring money to be our God. (Whoa… um, this is actually starting to sound, uh, real or something…).

Wouldn’t it suck to go through all that work to get to the point where you become President, hoping to do all kinds of good things for the country – end wars, fix education and healthcare, etc. – only to find out that everything is being run by skull aliens, or lizard people, or grays, or those dudes from the Hollow Earth. And now you’re on their payroll and you have to keep global warming increasing so the climate becomes more habitable for them. Or you have to keep quiet about that hybrid program (and we’re not talking about cars here…).

Time to chew some bubblegum and kick someā€¦ uh, check out the movie.

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Current/Future Events, Movie Parodies, They Live | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Brokeback Zardoz

Posted by gregchiaramonti on January 8, 2009

Giant floating stone heads from the future have feelings, too.

Monolithic Stone Entity Contemplates Morality and Post-Apocalyptic Fashion

Zardoz speaks to you! 300 years in the future, a giant stone head floats around the wastelands of humanity, spewing guns and ammo from its mouth and ordering Brutals like Zed to “go forth and kill”. Though even the mighty Zardoz is not infallible, and being forced to watch Sean Connery (yes THE Sean Connery, as in James Bond 007) run around in his safety-orange skivvies for two hours may prove too much for anyone or thing to handle. Zardoz has one THING he considers to be EVIL above all else… this being a family website, you’ll have to google/youtube it for yourself…

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Movie Parodies, Zardoz | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »