Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies

Those who fear the future are largely afraid to laugh at it….

Posts Tagged ‘post-apocalypse’

The Actual Book of Eli

Posted by stupidfuture on January 15, 2010

Business Text Proves Useful In Negotiating Armageddon

Denzel Washington survives the End of the World in the new movie The Book of Eli and spends all his time carrying around a Bible.  Okay, fine, there’s probably some really good stuff in there you might want, though I’d probably stick around the book of Exodus, where all the major butt-kicking occurs.  Because let’s face it, there’s never a nice post-Apocalyptic society.  You need Old Testment kinda stuff to make sense of a destroyed landscape where it’s hard to find food.  But I’d much rather have, say, The Book Scout Handbook or The Army Survival Manual.  Stuff that tells you how to catch a bear and which berries will give you a rash.  Boo-yah.

But really, really what I’d want is something tailored exactly to the situation.  Like Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but revised for the situation, to be The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Post-Apocalyptic Warriors.  (Habit #1: Always wear sunglasses.) As long as they don’t mention the word “synergy”.  No matter what color your parachute is, or who moved your cheese, the only time you should ever use the word “synergy” is when you’re talking about Jem and The Holograms.  Which was, of course, truly outrageous. 

Interestingly enough, one of Covey’s actual “7 Habits” is “Begin with the End in Mind.”  Truer words have never been written for the Mad Max set.

Posted in Movie Parodies, The Book of Eli | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

What caused the apocalypse in “The Road”

Posted by gregchiaramonti on November 30, 2009

A Nanobot “grey goo” attack? No… Nuclear war? No… Ecological disaster? No… It was the dreaded Zhu Zhu Pets. Once they were shown how to drive cars, these small robotic creatures managed to escape their human masters and wage a destructive path across the world. Only Viggo and his son survived, and they spend most of The Road trying to scavenge up the various plastic Zhu Zhu ramps and playsets in an attempt to end the Zhu Zhu rampage. Well, at least that’s what I think it’s probably about…

These Zhu Zhu Pets look pretty lame. Seems like robot toy tech is actually devolving from the days of Elmo, Aibo, and Pleo. Or I guess ten dollar robot hamsters are all we can afford now.

Posted in Internet Memes, Movie Parodies, The Road, Zhu Zhu Pets | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

SOYLENT PINK IS STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED PEOPLE!!!!!!! (WITH FROSTING!!!!!!)

Posted by gregchiaramonti on August 20, 2009

SOYLENT PINK IS STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED PEOPLE!!!!!! (WITH FROSTING!!!!!!)

After hearing about “Death Panels” all week, with all the hub-bub related to the healthcare reform bill and crazy town hall meetings with people screaming about the government wanting to “pull the plug on grandma”, it got me thinking about that old Charlton Heston epic from the 70s about the ultimate form of healthcare. It’s more like “death care”…

(Spoilerz) Basically, in Soylent Green, from what I remember, there’s a future dystopia where people have to ride stationary bikes in their apartments just to charge up the ceiling light bulb. There’s huge overpopulation, and like one tree left that’s preserved in a glass dome. Some rich dudes hoard actual food like steak, but everyone else is forced to wait for some trucks to show up in the street shooting out rectangular chunks of synthetic food. Eventually, Heston’s aged roommate or dad or whomever is feeling sick and decides to go “Home” which is this big hospital where they make you watch a 360-degree film about nature like at EPCOT center, except instead of being funneled out to the overpriced gift shop at the end, you are euthanized and your body is thrown on a conveyor belt in a factory that processes it into Soylent Green, the food that the trucks spew out to the ignorant masses. Heston tries to reveal this at the end, but I believe he is tragically taken down by the police just as he shouts “Soylent Green is people!!!” Poor Heston – all the troubles of our future worlds rested on his shoulders… too much for one future man to take on.

Funny thing is – I saw this film in my HIGH SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS! I think it was some kind of health class tradition in my school – they had the actual film reel you put in the old-timey projector and played on the pull-down movie screen. I guess it had something to do with learning about social issues like overpopulation and the environment. Okay, so first they made us watch the whole graphic child-birth movie, and then we have to watch this movie about future cannibalism related to overpopulation. Nice. Were they trying to discourage us from procreating??? No wonder people are scared to death of government healthcare – maybe they had the same crazy sci-fi dystopia health class curriculum I was exposed to!

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Current/Future Events, Movie Parodies, Soylent Green | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »