Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies

Those who fear the future are largely afraid to laugh at it….

Posts Tagged ‘Starblazers’

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS REVIEW–Back To The (Stupid) Future

Posted by stupidfuture on June 9, 2013

ALL SPOILERS ALL SPOILERS ALL SPOILERS

———————-You’ve been warned————————-

So I saw Star Trek Into Darkness (STID) last night.  Greg and I also saw The Darkness in Lancaster, PA, a few weeks back.  They were awesome.  Justin Hawkins is the sole remaining living embodiment of Rock and Roll.  He literally climbed the walls and rode around on some guy’s back.  I personally would like to see the new cast of Start-Wreck (cause a lot of things were wrecked in this movie) join The Darkness–or more precisely, vice versa.  Frankie Poulain would make a mean-looking first officer.

Anyway, I kinda think I saw this movie before, but backwards.  Kirk dies in the warp chamber, and Spock screams “KHAN!!!”.  Okay, so it was decent.  I do like the new cast, particularly Karl Urban as Bones and Chirs Pine as Kirk.  I think Kirk makes a few “unKirklike” choices in the movie, including one part where he whines that he doesn’t know what to do, yet mostly, he does fulfill that poster: he can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome he believes he is.  He also signs on to assassinate Khan early in the movie, but that’s just not Kirk-style.  There was a robot dude on the bridge, I suppose a tribute to Data in Next Gen, but at first I thought he was a Deltan.  You don’t really know until you see some big Matsumoto dial sticking into the back of his head.  Well, maybe he’s a cymol–human with a robot brain, I think Jack Chalker came up with the term back in the 80s.

The best character by far has to be the diminutive, speechless alien that Scotty refers to as a walking oyster.  I was thinking cabbage, really, or Nien Numb from Jedi.  I would say that he’s Scotty’s mini-me, except that Scotty doesn’t look like an oyster.  He was fairly pickled in once scene, though.  It really does sound like the ghost of Jimmy Doohan.  The all-time best though was Peter Weller–that’s right, Buckaroo Freakin’ Bazai!  Man, he looks old.  Sorry, Buckaroo, we love you like nobody’s business.  Blue Blaze irregular here in the Garden State.  But why’d you have to try to blow up James Kirk?  And your own daughter?  Sheesh.

So you know that this movie is basically Wrath of Khan all over again, except that Khan doesn’t die, he just gets turned back into a popsicle after they use his blood to bring Kirk  BACK FROM THE DEAD.  That’s right, folks.  And he wasn’t even wearing a red shirt (Checkov was though).  Kirk is now a zombie, who, along with an army of reanimated tribbles, will attempt to eat yer brainz in the middle of the night!  Or the next movie.  Well, he might try to eat Carol Marcus first.  Yummy, though you would rather see a little meat on her bones.  (Ahnold: Vhat have you been feeding dis theeeng? Kirk: Blondes….)

I liked the Klingon face-spine ear piercings.  Uhura claimed to speak Klingon, but hey, we’ll never really know, since she just could have had a bad cold with a lot of mucus.  What do Klingons call their face-spines anyway?  If a kid gets food on it, what do the Klingon parents say?  Oh, yeah, that’s right…nobody can tell because it seems like they are just having a tasty cold.

In short: much better than the first Star Trek reboot, which I liked.  It’s neat to watch the good ol’ NCC-1701 go atmospheric, but you know they stole that off the BSG reboot.   One lingering question: if most of Starfleet’s Senior Staff was machine-gunned (err, layered) by Khan in the Khan-ference room, who is left actually in charge of Kirk?  And why exactly are they sending him on a five-year mission when war with the Klingon empire is so apparent?  Well, maybe they ARE building ten more ships of the Andromeda class to take on the White Comet, that would do it.  Oh, wait….that was StarBlazers….I would like to see ten Andromeda class ships go up against the Klingon D4s, though, they seemed much more wimpy than the D7s of yore.

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Hey, Avatar: Roger Dean Wants His Islands Back

Posted by stupidfuture on December 5, 2009

Remote Control Alien/Human Hybrid Claims Natural Resources For Prog

The upcoming James Cameron flick Avatar features a Space Marine named Jake Sully(played by Sam Worthington), who ends up controlling an alien body in order to help bilk the local aliens of planet Pandora–the Na’vi–out of some kind of mystical floating metal.  Apparently, said metal causes parts of the local geography to float as well…causing effects that are straight off of a Yes album cover, you know, the ones done by Roger Dean.   Who is, of course, famous for doing Yes album covers.  (Sorry, Starblazers fans, I know when you see “Space Marines” next to “Avatar” it gets your pulse racin’….)  James “Terminator 2” Cameron directs, but James “Titanic” Horner does the music, so it’s a wash.  “Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that topographic oceans must go on….”

I’d say spoilers beware, but if you watch the latest trailer it basically tells you the whole plot anyway.  Sully falls for an alien girl (Neytiri, played by Zoe Saldana) and after a period of painful moralizing, sides with the aliens.  Now, don’t get me wrong, some of the mechs the Space Marines use look really good, and the blue-skinned, frog-eyed Gungan wannabe Na’vi are kinda neat.  Me-sah likey da Na’vi.  I also liked The Navvie from the old Sega Genesis game The Chaos Engine, he was a big tough guy with a lot of hit points.  But I digress.  Nobody could ever figure out why he was called a Navvie(gator?) officially anyway.  Plus, the Cameron movie has Sigourney Weaver in it.  Big credibility points for that.  But when all is said and done, in a stupid future with floating space islands, Roger Dean will come and take back what’s his.  Because he’s famous, you know.  For doing all those Yes album covers.  That’s what he’s famous for.  Yeah.  Err, Yes.

Posted in Avatar (2009), Movie Parodies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments »