Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies

Those who fear the future are largely afraid to laugh at it….

Posts Tagged ‘Wikipedia’

Keeping Up With The Cardassians

Posted by stupidfuture on December 10, 2009

Menacing Aliens Fodder For Popular Reality Television Show

The Star Trek folks sure know how to make aliens ugly.  I mean, not like the Horta ugly–that was just a blob of rock.  Not like the Gorn ugly–that was just a big lizard.  But those darn Cardassians on Deep Space Nine, man, they make you want to barf just looking at them.  Give ’em eye ridges, sunken goopy eyeballs, and barnacles all over their faces, they said, and yeeeeecchh…there you go.  No science fiction is complete without menacing, ugly aliens, I guess.   And then give them slicked back mullets, because all aliens need those.

Let’s meet some of our Cardassian friends…there’s Dukat, and even though he has a few good moments, basically is just the evil leader-type, he would like nothing better than to get rid of our hero, Captain Benjamin Sisko (no, the good keptain didn’t make Internet routers, that’s Cisco).  Then there’s Damar, who sides with Cardassian rebels against the Dominion.  Finally, there’s Elim Garak, an ex-spy who opens a tailor shop on DS9.  Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a reality show that followed their exploits?

We could see their mom Kris and their adaptive step-Dad Bruce Jenner, who used to be on Wheaties cereal boxes–try to help manage their fashion careers.  Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney would get into various hyjinx involving photoshoots, trying to launch perfume and clothing lines, going on location, you know.  And you’d have to keep up with them.  Well, you could keep up with them by watching the show.  Not really the best title.  Wait…a…minute…those are Kardashians, not Cardassians.  Sorry.  The Kardashians aren’t ugly at all–far from it–and they don’t commit acts of Interstellar Aggression.  But check it out, even Wikipedia isn’t sure–they list them together on the same page.  To make things even more confusing, Khloe recently changed her last name to Odom.  Wasn’t he the shape-shifting sherrif of Deep Space Nine?  Guess I’d better grab a bowl of Wheaties and try to keep up.

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Posted in Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Star Trek, Television Parodies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Rock Band: Mos Eisley

Posted by stupidfuture on June 7, 2009

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It’s a well-known fact in Star Wars fandom that the Mos Eisley Cantina Band only knows one song.   When they kick back and relax after work, safely at home after a long day of weirdos such as Greedo, Walrus Man, and Han Solo shooting and chopping up the customers at their only steady gig, what better way than with Rock Band?   Of course, the standard Fender Strat controller isn’t compatable.  You have to get the special Bassoon–O-Phone controllers to play it.  They’d better score some overdrive soon, or else that blue elephant-man Max Rebo and his weirdo stalk-lipped blob singer Sy Snoodles will start stealing all the gigs.

But who are the Cantina band, and why did Wal-Mart release action figures of them?   Only Wikipedia and the “extended universe” book sequels know for sure.  According to the package for the action figures, the lead guy’s name is “Figrin D’an”.  Hey, whatcha figurin’, Dan?  He must always get stuck spliiting up the check for everyone.  It’s a dumb name, alright.  Even if we leave questions unanswered (like what kind of ring would you make from a fig, exactly?), it really sounds like figurine, which might exactly be why they decided to release D’an and friends as action figures.  Maybe it’s a tribute to George Lucas’ own genius in keeping the merchandising rights to the franchise.  The rest of the band is called “The Modal Nodes”, which is actually a weird music theory joke based on medieval composition techniques.  So, we can safely leave that aside.  And…moving right along….

Don’t look for Rock Band: Mos Eisley anytime soon.   You’ll just have to make due with Rock Band: The Beatles, Rock Band: Unplugged, Guitar Hero: Metallica,  and new track packs being released for Rock Band–Unplugged, Metal, and Classic Rock.  More Boston and Rush, yay.  No Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes.  Get over it already.

Posted in Movie Parodies, Rock Band, Star Wars, Video Game Parodies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »