New V Finale: Billy Mays Lives

Waif-like Carnivorous Alien Dictator Ponders Infomercial Food Tools

The new remake of “V” on ABC ain’t that bad.  It captures a lot of the feel of the original, and while there’s no Marc Singer (Yay, Beastmaster) kind of hero, you do have fifth columnists, reporters, teenage boy spies, and so on.  Some of the plot elements are a little forced, what with the references to sleeper cells and all that.  But you know there’s leapin’ lizards underneath, and a bunch o’ face-ripping on the way.  Here, mousey, mousey.  Anna (Morena Baccarin), the alien leader, is still female in this version, but not in the big-haired 80s sort of way of the original, more like an emaciated runway waif with boy hair.   And then there’s…Scott Wolf.  From that 1990s melodrama Party of Five.  Sheesh.  Wolf plays sell-out tv reporter Chad Decker.  On his best days, his mannerisms and acting style suggest a sort of poor man’s Michael J. Fox–another sort of canine-named actor.  Fox played a character named Scott in his movie Teen Wolf so it makes some kind of sense….

But the season (if you can call four episodes a season–I think they call it a “pod” or something like that) finale ends with the main alien turncoat dude sending Anna a mysterious message, “John May Lives”.  Pshaw.  What about Billy Mays?  Our fallen, beloved infomercial hero?  I miss him hawking Orange Glow.  And Slider Factory.  Basically, a mold to make little tiny hamburgers with.  That’s what the aliens in “V” are planning to do to us sooner or later.  Let’s just hope they eat Chad Decker first.