Earth Day PSA with Kevin Costner

I’ll have a glass of whatever he’s drinking… On second thought, if I’m on a boat with Kevin Costner’s future fish-man, I’ll pass on that drink. Though I guess they’re drinking that on the Space Station now. And we probably all will be in a few years if the environment continues to degrade and drinking water becomes scarce.

The Costner sci-fi epic Waterworld is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me, though. I usually get sucked (appropriate word) into watching it whenever it’s on TV, and have to pull myself away since watching the whole movie feels like losing an entire day. The only part of The Postman I thought was cool (spoilerz) was with Tom Petty appearing as himself, somewhat.

So, please, do your part to recycle and conserve energy, plant trees, etc., so that humankind can continue to live on this planet, without the need for any new Costner epics. Though that jet-ski stunt show at Universal Studios kinda rocked.

Happy Earth Day! (Can you really be happy about a day with such a downer message?)

– Nigel Matrix

More Than Meets the Eye-conomy: Autobots to Receive Gov’t Bailout

It’s the economy, stupid, uh, future. So I’m guessing Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen will be another totally awesome, robot-battling, high-speed-chasing, more-explosions-than-ever-in-the-history-of-cinema car commercial for General Motors. Um, which will be pretty ironic at this point. With GM possibly bankrupt by the time the movie comes out, Revenge of the Fallen will take on a new meaning. Maybe the Autobots can help revive the fallen auto industry. They just need to start finding more Green forms of vehicles to transform into, to help with Global Warming and creating new Green jobs. How about transforming into mass transit, like buses, trains or trolleys? Or bicycles? Maybe a solar-powered land glider? I think the Chevy Volt electric car is supposed to make an appearance in the movie, though I heard that car may cost like 40K, so not sure how that’s really going to help revive the auto industry. Hey, you know what would be really cool – a transforming Segway! Okay, maybe not cool, but, well, interesting. Or not.

– Nigel Matrix

Tron 1918: Recognizers On The Western Front

Imperial German Forces Confronted By Technological Progress

We tend to romanticize old weapons.  That’s why swords and armor end up in museums, and we make museums out of warships.  Heck, let’s dig up the Yamato from the bottom of the ocean, put a wave motion engine (ha dooooooo) in it, send it into outer space and use it to fight the Gamilons?  Oh, yeah, that’s right, Dr. Robert Ballard–Super Underwater Wreckage Finder Dude–found the thing, basically ripped in to two pieces, so ya can’t tunnel up innit and put in the engine.  Or the Gun.  Darn.  I have to thank my friend Vince for pointing this out and wrecking all my childhood dreams of fighting blue-skinned aliens with massive bursts of stored tachyons while wearing my space sunglasses.  And white bell bottoms.  With red stripes. 

Anyway, Star Blazers is not unusual, a lot of sci-fi is about war.  Among the stars.  Star…Wars.  Get it?  Wars are about weapons.  Death… Star.   Light…Saber.   It’s only logical to wonder what would happen if new weapons were taken back to old wars.   In fact, that’s the whole premise of a movie called The Final Countdown (not to be confused with the sci-fi hair metal epic by Europe), in which the (then-1980) modern supercarrier USS Nimitz in sent back in time to 1941, right before the attack on Pearl Harbor.  It’s a moral dillema, change history, or not?  Bah.  The real question is: what if the Triple Entente had recognizers and light cycles from Tron during World War I?  Sark would clean up the Kaiser.  No doubt.

Pineapple: Vader’s Other Sad Devotion

Sith Lord Harshes Detractors of Adequate Nutrition For Cybernetic Organisms

What the heck does Darth Vader eat anyway?  It’s tempting (but mean) to imagine he subsists on a diet of lager and barbequed ewok (with extra ewok sauce).  Anakin never seemed to show much preference, and if you invited him to your wedding, you’d still be stumped until you got the card back.  (“What’s it gonna be, chicken…or steak?  Chicken, or steak?  Come on boy, I can wait all night….”  Maybe, like Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror, he prefers Meatloaf….) 

Anyways, I always think of that poor Imperial Officer who harshes Vader’s force powers as a “sad devotion” to an “ancient religion”.  Sheesh, everyone’s a critic.  It sort of begs the question, though.  Does Vader have any other sad devotions?  Like Beanie Baby collecting, or maybe backgammon?  (Hey if you’re into those things, cool.  You’re not an evil Sith Lord.  If you were, it would be sad.  You’d have more important things to do, like trying to turn your offspring to the dark side.)