Amazing Apps and Accessories for the New Apple Tablet

Capillary dilation or the so-called blush response… fluctuation of the pupil, involuntary dilation of the iris…. Um… Do you like our owl? Sorry, somehow all of the anticipation for the new Apple Tablet (or iPad, or iSlate, or Canvas, or Electronic Messiah) has put me in a Blade Runner mood. Just thought it would be cool if the new tablet has a Voight-Kampff app so you could detect Replicants on-the-go. You’d still need the retro bellows as an accessory (think it has something to do with detecting pheromones of an emotional response), but it’s a lot more portable than that CRT monitor setup Deckard has to usually lug around. Oh, wait… Replicants haven’t been invented yet, right.

Still, the tablet is gonna rock… whatever it does. I mean, I’m a big-time Apple fanboy, but even I’ve been worn out from all the hype and speculation about this thing. Please, Steve, let it go… release it to us… we are ready to finally have this futuristic sci-fi device that we always see in every sci-fi movie ever made. I know, there are other tablet computers announced by other companies, and the Kindle is a specialized book-reading tablet, but Mr. Jobs always seems to have an eye for details other designers miss, just a knack for innovation that takes things to the next level. Yeah, I know, I’m a hopeless Apple fanboy…

– Nigel Matrix

The Actual Book of Eli

Business Text Proves Useful In Negotiating Armageddon

Denzel Washington survives the End of the World in the new movie The Book of Eli and spends all his time carrying around a Bible.  Okay, fine, there’s probably some really good stuff in there you might want, though I’d probably stick around the book of Exodus, where all the major butt-kicking occurs.  Because let’s face it, there’s never a nice post-Apocalyptic society.  You need Old Testment kinda stuff to make sense of a destroyed landscape where it’s hard to find food.  But I’d much rather have, say, The Book Scout Handbook or The Army Survival Manual.  Stuff that tells you how to catch a bear and which berries will give you a rash.  Boo-yah.

But really, really what I’d want is something tailored exactly to the situation.  Like Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but revised for the situation, to be The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Post-Apocalyptic Warriors.  (Habit #1: Always wear sunglasses.) As long as they don’t mention the word “synergy”.  No matter what color your parachute is, or who moved your cheese, the only time you should ever use the word “synergy” is when you’re talking about Jem and The Holograms.  Which was, of course, truly outrageous. 

Interestingly enough, one of Covey’s actual “7 Habits” is “Begin with the End in Mind.”  Truer words have never been written for the Mad Max set.