Bender At Hogwarts

Time Travelling Robot Eradicates Magical Messenger Birds

Owls: useful couriers or scourge of the year 3000?  Well, the Muggles of New New York certainly have no use for them.  It’s a running joke in the background of Futurama that owls have replaced pigeons as the most common avian pest.  Yet they serve the folk at Hogwarts so well in our time, or whatever timeless time it’s supposed to be in Potterland (technically, there are more Weasleys….shouldn’t it be Weasleyland?  A Weasleyverse? Anyway, there’s a lingering sense that the Potterverse takes place in the 70s or 80s, because there’s just not enough body piercings among the student population to make us believe otherwise.)

Bender, the sarcastic, hard-drinking, fun-loving Planet Express delivery crewman, is send back in time to steal all the precious artifacts in history by a bunch of clothing-optional aliens in Bender’s Big Score.  This leads to multiple copies of said droid arriving at a simultaneous point in the future, creating temporal paradox.  So maybe he stopped by Hogwarts in nineteen-whatever to pick up a Hoarcrux or two, and happened to notice the avian pest infestation along the way.  Poor Errol. Poor Hedwig. Poor Fawkes the Pheonix…I wonder how many times he had to respawn before Bender figured it out?  Probably depends on how much Old Fortran Malt Liquor he brought along…or how many times Bender played that classic 1980s arcade shoot-’em up, you know, the one with the fiery birds from outer space….