Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies

Those who fear the future are largely afraid to laugh at it….

Archive for August, 2009


Posted by gregchiaramonti on August 20, 2009


After hearing about “Death Panels” all week, with all the hub-bub related to the healthcare reform bill and crazy town hall meetings with people screaming about the government wanting to “pull the plug on grandma”, it got me thinking about that old Charlton Heston epic from the 70s about the ultimate form of healthcare. It’s more like “death care”…

(Spoilerz) Basically, in Soylent Green, from what I remember, there’s a future dystopia where people have to ride stationary bikes in their apartments just to charge up the ceiling light bulb. There’s huge overpopulation, and like one tree left that’s preserved in a glass dome. Some rich dudes hoard actual food like steak, but everyone else is forced to wait for some trucks to show up in the street shooting out rectangular chunks of synthetic food. Eventually, Heston’s aged roommate or dad or whomever is feeling sick and decides to go “Home” which is this big hospital where they make you watch a 360-degree film about nature like at EPCOT center, except instead of being funneled out to the overpriced gift shop at the end, you are euthanized and your body is thrown on a conveyor belt in a factory that processes it into Soylent Green, the food that the trucks spew out to the ignorant masses. Heston tries to reveal this at the end, but I believe he is tragically taken down by the police just as he shouts “Soylent Green is people!!!” Poor Heston – all the troubles of our future worlds rested on his shoulders… too much for one future man to take on.

Funny thing is – I saw this film in my HIGH SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS! I think it was some kind of health class tradition in my school – they had the actual film reel you put in the old-timey projector and played on the pull-down movie screen. I guess it had something to do with learning about social issues like overpopulation and the environment. Okay, so first they made us watch the whole graphic child-birth movie, and then we have to watch this movie about future cannibalism related to overpopulation. Nice. Were they trying to discourage us from procreating??? No wonder people are scared to death of government healthcare – maybe they had the same crazy sci-fi dystopia health class curriculum I was exposed to!

– Nigel Matrix

Posted in Current/Future Events, Movie Parodies, Soylent Green | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Crab Hand Spray? Imagine The Possibilities.

Posted by stupidfuture on August 19, 2009

Man With Unpronouncable Name Ponders Gene-Altering Aerosol Pranks

Man With Unpronouncable Name Ponders Gene-Altering Aerosol Pranks

In the new Peter Jackson epic District 9, a field operative named Wilkus van der Merwe is assigned to relocate a bunch of unwanted alien settlers.  They’re called “Prawns”, which is much easier to pronounce than “Wilkus van der Merwe” (played by an equally unprouncable Sharlto Copley).  Who puts an “r” right before a “w”, huh?  Yeah, nobody.  Anyway, Milky von WeeWee–who works for a company called Multi-National United–accidentally gets sprayed with DNA-altering liquid that slowly changes him into one of the aliens, hand first.  Very Kafka.  Oh, that horror of otherness and alterity.    Milky can work the newfangled alien weapons, and all sorts of hijinks ensue, including encounters with the alien who created the device, Christopher Johnson.  Yeah, that’s right, Christopher Johnson.  Milky names him–maybe some downright name envy there–and eventually turns into an alien himself.

I think I liked this movie the first time I saw it, when it was called Alien Nation.  I liked it even better when it was a TV Show and the unwanted alien “Newcomers” (or “Slags”, in the derogatory vernacular of the show) were taken under the wing of George Thorogood, played by Gary Graham.  Okay, well, it really wasn’t Lonesome George.  But it looked a heck of a lot like him.  So much so that everytime I watched the TV show, I knew that his character, Detective Matt Sikes, would drink alone.  Yeah, with nobody else.  Well, maybe with his Dear Old Grandad.  Together, they would share one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.  Then they would get haircuts, and perhaps a new job.  But I digress.

So, the crab hand dude from District 9 is kind of in a hard way.  Imagine the possibilities of such DNA-altering aerosols, though, if you will.  Squid Leg Spray is only just the start.  Practical DNA manipulation jokes would be at an all time high, and hospital emergency rooms would be packed with unsuspecting victims every April 1st.  There’d only be one way to prevent such abuse at the hands (claws?) of the crab-handed folk.  You’d have to show ’em who’s boss.  Just leave out some Old Bay Seasoning and a Claw Cracker and they’ll leave you alone….

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