If the illustrious Red Squadron from Star Wars (and that’s “Episode IV: A New Hope”, for you younginz….) used Facebook, what quizzes would they take, what information would they share? Well, if there were any food quizzes, good ol’ Porkins would be all over it. We might learn why his parents were weird enough to name him “Jek”, which apparently means “guy who eats too much and has pointless facial hair”. We might learn about why Wedge mysteriously survives all three original trilogy movies for no apparent reason, or why Biggs doesn’t…Hmmm….
- Biggs: facial hair, doesn’t survive.
- Porkins: facial hair, doesn’t survive.
- Luke: no facial hair, survives.
- Wedge: no facial hair, survives.
I get it now. Maybe the key to surviving an assault on a Death Star to keep shaving regularly. Is it the clean-shaven boylike innocence of youth that allows one to destroy armored battlestations with reckless impunity, or maybe just the fact that the facial hair gets itchy and distracts you so the TIE fighters can get you? Ennh. You worry about the towers. I’ll take care of those fighters.
Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies 