Stupidfuture: Obscure Sci-Fi Parodies

Those who fear the future are largely afraid to laugh at it….

Posts Tagged ‘Sark’

Tron: USB Flash Drive Thingie

Posted by stupidfuture on December 14, 2010

Virtual Cyber Warriors Finally Embrace Modern Storage Media

All kidding aside, I am really stoked for the new Tron movie.   Yet it does leave me wondering–why are they still using discs after all this time?  Wouldn’t a USB Flash drive be more with the times?  Yeah, I know that Kevin Flynn (Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski) build his little cyberworld in the 1980s, got scanned in, and got stuck there.  Just like the rest of us with our day-glow polos, Members Only jackets, and Survivor records.  Heck, even Microsoft Office still uses a Floppy Disc icon.  Most of the people using Office now have probably never seen a Floppy Disc in their entire life.  They only know it as “that square thingie that means Save”.   Speaking of that, what are you actually supposed to call a USB drive anyway?  They have more names than any other computer accessory.  Thumb drive, flash drive, stick drive, USB drive, etc.  If someone could just clarify this, I could know what to tell the Programs being sent for execution on the Game Grid.

Bet you could fit Kevin Flynn’s entire virual world on one with ease.  Four gigabytes was unheard of in 1982, when the original Tron movie came out.  The whole dang computer didn’t have that much memory.  Programs were given a disc to store themselves on, which couldn’t have been more than a few megabytes.  Now, when rogue programs enter the Game Grid, they can store their information in a much larger format, and fill it up with videos of their pets that they are editing to upload to YouTube.  USB Drives are not very good for throwing at your enemies, however.  If you see Sark, aim for his neck.


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Tron 1918: Recognizers On The Western Front

Posted by stupidfuture on April 11, 2009

Imperial German Forces Confronted By Technological Progress

Imperial German Forces Confronted By Technological Progress

We tend to romanticize old weapons.  That’s why swords and armor end up in museums, and we make museums out of warships.  Heck, let’s dig up the Yamato from the bottom of the ocean, put a wave motion engine (ha dooooooo) in it, send it into outer space and use it to fight the Gamilons?  Oh, yeah, that’s right, Dr. Robert Ballard–Super Underwater Wreckage Finder Dude–found the thing, basically ripped in to two pieces, so ya can’t tunnel up innit and put in the engine.  Or the Gun.  Darn.  I have to thank my friend Vince for pointing this out and wrecking all my childhood dreams of fighting blue-skinned aliens with massive bursts of stored tachyons while wearing my space sunglasses.  And white bell bottoms.  With red stripes. 

Anyway, Star Blazers is not unusual, a lot of sci-fi is about war.  Among the stars.  Star…Wars.  Get it?  Wars are about weapons.  Death… Star.   Light…Saber.   It’s only logical to wonder what would happen if new weapons were taken back to old wars.   In fact, that’s the whole premise of a movie called The Final Countdown (not to be confused with the sci-fi hair metal epic by Europe), in which the (then-1980) modern supercarrier USS Nimitz in sent back in time to 1941, right before the attack on Pearl Harbor.  It’s a moral dillema, change history, or not?  Bah.  The real question is: what if the Triple Entente had recognizers and light cycles from Tron during World War I?  Sark would clean up the Kaiser.  No doubt.

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